Working Together

                How we have worked as families has changed dramatically since the Industrial Revolution.  Families used to work very closely together teaching their children the trade. Farming families for example each had responsibilities from a young age. This made it so that the whole family was together for most of the day and everyone knew what the work was like. In today’s world we have most fathers leaving the home for most of the day for work. Often even the mothers are leaving to work a different job as well. When/if the entire family reunites that evening they have all gone in different directions and had very different experiences during the day. This dramatic change has effected how close we are as families. Recognizing this change though can help us to find ways to bring our family together in work.

                I remember as a kid waking up on Saturday mornings with my parents asking me to get involved in a family cleaning project. Being a stubborn little kid I would try to find a little project on my own that had nothing to do with what the rest of the family was doing. In hind sight I am glad that my parents encouraged me to be involved with what the rest of the family was doing. There are great lessons of unity that can be learned as we work together. 

Five Principles of Family Councils

            I really enjoyed reading Elder Russel M. Ballard’s talk, “Strength in Councils” during this week’s focus on family councils. Our whole church on every level is based on methods of counseling so that we can come to know God’s will because He is the ultimate authority.  These principles can even be brought down to the family level if we take time as a family to meet and discuss important topics with the intent of coming to consensus. In his talk Elder Ballard identified five key elements of successful families.

First, focus on fundamentals.

            I have found this to be a true principle in other areas of my life like practicing music, so I was interested to see how this could apply to family councils. Keeping a focus in general in councils can have a big impact because staying on task can determine if you ever do make it to a unified decision.

Second, focus on people.

            I loved being in ward councils on my mission where the focus was helping other people. I think in families if we go into our decision making with the perspective of how can this help the other members of my family we will be more humble. It also brings a mutual purpose that we can be unified under.

Third, promote free and open expression.

            This principle is taught in the scriptures and also by just about every communication specialist. If we want to end in a real consensus we need to know everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If we don’t end in consensus we may not have everyone’s total support when it’s time for action. We may also miss some very important spiritual insights.

And finally promoting free expression from everyone shows love and concern for individual family members.

 Fourth, participation is a privilege. 

Elder Ballard emphasized the point that in these kinds of meetings it is our responsibility to be prepared, share, and advocate vigorously the position you believe to be right. In order for this to even be possible in family councils we need to have an agenda prepared in advance. If that is too organized, we should at least make sure that when big topics need to be addressed everyone has time to prepare.

Fifth, lead with love. 

            I think this particular point ties well back to the scripture we talked about in class. D&C 121 43-44 explain that we should reprove, “betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” Emotions can be very strong during these councils and so showing love is extremely important.

Coping Differently, but Together

                This week we discussed many of the challenges that come with trying to cope with stress as a whole family. One of the point that was brought out that I really appreciated was that individual family members cope with things differently. As I’ve started studying how children cope with things I can see this to be very true. For the most part kids are very resilient. I remember when my sister died my parents asked me if I wanted to go to school the next day. I was very sad about my sister passing and for a moment staying at home with my family sounded like a great idea, but then my child desires kicked in as I thought about all the things I would miss at recess staying at home. I chose to go to school. This could have come across as insensitive to an adult, because it’s not the same way many of us would cope, but it truly wasn’t what I needed as a child.

                We can cope ahead by thinking about how others in our family cope with stress. This can start with seeing how they deal with even the little day to day stressors from the way we do. Elder Hales, a member of the quorum of the twelve apostles, suggested that while dating we take note of how our potential partner deals with stress. This can help us know if they deal with it in a way we can handle. It can also help us see how we could react in a constructive way to their coping.

                If we accept that everyone in our family will cope differently and act respectfully to those differences we can actually come closer together as a whole.