Setting Patterns Through Weddings

I remember hearing once in a movie once a person clarify that a girl didn’t want a marriage she wanted a wedding. I had always thought of the two as so closely related I hadn’t put much thought into the fact that they were separate. A wedding is simply the event in which two people get married. 

In America this tends to be a very large event on average costing around $27,000. A marriage on the other hand is the commitment we make.

Although separate, there are some good reasons why one leads to the other. If we think of weddings as the spring board to marriage we can see how weddings can set our marriage up for success. There is much that needs to be done for a wedding and many opportunities to set healthy patterns for a marriage. Here are some examples…

-Taking the time to plan together. For the most part during dating men do the planning or maybe you took turns. However planning a big event together hasn’t happened yet. This can be a great experience to help you see how you best work together in planning for future events. So make sure the husband is involved verses the mothers or girlfriends.

-Budgeting. This is also probably one of the first big events a couple will have to budget for. Choosing to only use your own budget and make it work will set that same pattern for the rest of your marriage.

-Quality time. With the little things that need to be done, invitations sent, decorations set up, food picked out, etc. there can be several opportunities for quality time. These things can be stressful in today’s society. This can be a chance for couples to set their priorities straight in making sure they care more about quality time than stressing over the small stuff.

-There are also many chances of running into crucial conversations. Authors of “Crucial Conversations” Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler, define this type of conversation as having high stakes, strong emotions, and varying opinions. The couples may have had perspectives on how their wedding would be for a very long time. Not to mention all of the family members and friends opinions of how the wedding should be. There are many times when the stakes can be high with these close relationships at stake. It can be very beneficial for the couple to experience having these conversations together, with others as a couple, or supporting their fiancé while they have these conversations on their own. In general there are many stressful situations in wedding planning that can help the couple realize how they deal with stress.

…These are just a few idea’s there are many many more. I’ll leave it up to your own imagination to see how not doing these things could lead to unhealthy marriage patterns. It may be harder and not fulfill the American ideal to plan a wedding this way, but it is a way that will build our marriages for the better. And isn’t marriage what weddings are all about?