Being "Intentional"

This week my family relations class has reminded me often of the beginning of “The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting” by Lawrence Steinberg that I am reading for my Parenting class. Specifically Steinberg talks about “Intentional Parenting” (pg. 10). To me this means that what the parents have a plan of action, they know how that is going to affect their kids, and they pay attention to how relationships and individuals are doing.

I am not a parent, but this week in family relations I’ve felt the need to apply this to my roles in my current family. By being an “intentional sister” or “intentional daughter”. I’m certainly not raising other people in my family, but I do effect their happiness, growth, and overall well being in many ways.

Family Systems Theory

                The family systems theory is one thing we focused on this week. People who believe in this theory focus on the family as a whole unit. They think that no one person is a cause to all problems and that in order to help one individual you must help the entire unit. If this is the case then that means you, me, everyone who plays a role in a family are very important. The ways I react, communicate, or habits I have can affect my entire family.

Feedback Loops

                One of my favorite things I’ve learned from this class is identifying feedback loops. Feedback loops are cycles of behavior that occur in families often unnoticed. It’s hard to identify who started the cycle, but it’s clear to see that one family member’s actions lead to another’s, and another’s.

For example let’s look at Cinderella’s family. Cinderella’s step mother had a cold personality grieving over being a widow twice à Cinderella remembers she was taught to always be kind even to those who are not à Cinderella’s kindness makes her Step Mother feel worse about who she is à Cinderella’s Step Mother punishes her with chores à and then we go back to Cinderella remembers she was taught to always be kind even to those who are not.

                Cycles like these can harm relationships and effect the entire family system. The bright side is this same principle can be used to obtain desired actions and healthy relationships. I hope that I can be a more “intentional sister and daughter” by taking a step back and seeing if there are any feedback loops I am a part of that are effecting my family negatively and then change my actions accordingly.