Families and Immigration: Effects on Relationships

Overall this week in Family Relations we talked about how Socioeconomic Status effects families. We also took a closer look at how Mexican families were effected in the process of coming to America illegally. A very specific element class this week stuck out to me because I could connect it with other things I had learned in different classes.

We found in talking about research done on Mexican families that there was a common rift between parents and teenage children. The pattern seemed to be that the parents would decide to come to the US so their children could have more opportunities. The parents would then make several sacrifices to come to the US including being separated as a family for years at a time, saving a significant amount of money to cross the border, and then also working less desirable jobs once arriving in the US. The children on the other hand are seeing the sacrifices made and making sacrifices of their own being far from extended family and trying to fit into a new environment. At this point I think about how in my parenting classes we’ve talked about needing to keep in my children’s developmental perspective when communicating with them. I could easily see a teen complaining in a situation like this. It would be a natural and almost reflexive response as a parent to combat complaining with reminding them that all the sacrifices they are making are for the teen’s future. This is one contributor to the contention found between parents and teens in this situation.

Possible things that would help parents in this situation would be to have a family council about the decision to leave in the first place. It’s easier for kids to accept a big change if they fell like they were a part of the decision making process. A big decision like this parent may want to make on their own for the benefit of the children. In that case it would be helpful if the parents kept in mind while their children are complaining that they don’t have the perspective adults do because of their age, not just because they’re being bratty. It’s then also good to use emotion coaching by focusing on how the child feels and empathizing instead of making them feel guilty for all of the sacrifices they are not appreciating.