Families and Immigration: Effects on Relationships

Overall this week in Family Relations we talked about how Socioeconomic Status effects families. We also took a closer look at how Mexican families were effected in the process of coming to America illegally. A very specific element class this week stuck out to me because I could connect it with other things I had learned in different classes.

We found in talking about research done on Mexican families that there was a common rift between parents and teenage children. The pattern seemed to be that the parents would decide to come to the US so their children could have more opportunities. The parents would then make several sacrifices to come to the US including being separated as a family for years at a time, saving a significant amount of money to cross the border, and then also working less desirable jobs once arriving in the US. The children on the other hand are seeing the sacrifices made and making sacrifices of their own being far from extended family and trying to fit into a new environment. At this point I think about how in my parenting classes we’ve talked about needing to keep in my children’s developmental perspective when communicating with them. I could easily see a teen complaining in a situation like this. It would be a natural and almost reflexive response as a parent to combat complaining with reminding them that all the sacrifices they are making are for the teen’s future. This is one contributor to the contention found between parents and teens in this situation.

Possible things that would help parents in this situation would be to have a family council about the decision to leave in the first place. It’s easier for kids to accept a big change if they fell like they were a part of the decision making process. A big decision like this parent may want to make on their own for the benefit of the children. In that case it would be helpful if the parents kept in mind while their children are complaining that they don’t have the perspective adults do because of their age, not just because they’re being bratty. It’s then also good to use emotion coaching by focusing on how the child feels and empathizing instead of making them feel guilty for all of the sacrifices they are not appreciating. 

Being "Intentional"

This week my family relations class has reminded me often of the beginning of “The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting” by Lawrence Steinberg that I am reading for my Parenting class. Specifically Steinberg talks about “Intentional Parenting” (pg. 10). To me this means that what the parents have a plan of action, they know how that is going to affect their kids, and they pay attention to how relationships and individuals are doing.

I am not a parent, but this week in family relations I’ve felt the need to apply this to my roles in my current family. By being an “intentional sister” or “intentional daughter”. I’m certainly not raising other people in my family, but I do effect their happiness, growth, and overall well being in many ways.

Family Systems Theory

                The family systems theory is one thing we focused on this week. People who believe in this theory focus on the family as a whole unit. They think that no one person is a cause to all problems and that in order to help one individual you must help the entire unit. If this is the case then that means you, me, everyone who plays a role in a family are very important. The ways I react, communicate, or habits I have can affect my entire family.

Feedback Loops

                One of my favorite things I’ve learned from this class is identifying feedback loops. Feedback loops are cycles of behavior that occur in families often unnoticed. It’s hard to identify who started the cycle, but it’s clear to see that one family member’s actions lead to another’s, and another’s.

For example let’s look at Cinderella’s family. Cinderella’s step mother had a cold personality grieving over being a widow twice à Cinderella remembers she was taught to always be kind even to those who are not à Cinderella’s kindness makes her Step Mother feel worse about who she is à Cinderella’s Step Mother punishes her with chores à and then we go back to Cinderella remembers she was taught to always be kind even to those who are not.

                Cycles like these can harm relationships and effect the entire family system. The bright side is this same principle can be used to obtain desired actions and healthy relationships. I hope that I can be a more “intentional sister and daughter” by taking a step back and seeing if there are any feedback loops I am a part of that are effecting my family negatively and then change my actions accordingly.

The First Post!

INTRODUCTION

My name is Melissa Davies. Just some basic background about me I am from California in the Bay Area. I came to BYU-Idaho originally as a Music major wanting to go into Music Therapy. I then served a mission in Fort Worth Texas. There I learned about the career of being a Child Life Specialist (they work in hospitals helping children cope with stress. This is one of my favorite videos showing what they do… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTcklclPAsI&feature=youtu.be). Helping children cope with traumatic experiences has always been my long term goal so this career was a perfect fit. I am now back at BYU-Idaho majoring in Marriage and Family Studies. My hope is that with this educational background I can bring the perspective of working with the whole family system into the hospital.

PURPOSE OF THE BLOG

The purpose of this blog is to share with you the insights I have gained from my Family Relations class here at BYU-Idaho. If you don’t know about BYU-Idaho, it is a school founded by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as Mormons). Many of the things we talk about in class are related to the religion. I will try to make sure I explain everything that others not familiar with this church would not know.

DISCLAIMER

I’m very excited to start this blog, but a little nervous too. I tend to be the person who doesn’t raise their hand in class until they think they have something important and well formulated to say. Knowing that I can’t be a perfectionist with this assignment bothers me, but I’ll make it through assuming that you will be understanding of my faults. I know that I am no expert at this field and may stand corrected many times. So take this blog for what it is a student with no authority stating their developing opinion on family matters J